A Valentines Story… Part 7

Ok! I’m going to try my best to make this the last post of this particular series. My goodness, I forgot how many parts there are to this massive story.

Josh grabbed his pillow and blanket and went to sleep on the couch.

I was sick. Absolutely sick. I was sure this was the end. Only 3 months into marriage and we already aren’t sleeping together.

After I prayed I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was in Gods hands. I know it probably sounds weird and vague and like I gave up but God gave me clear instructions to surrender, then leave the rest up to God. Josh was not mine to fix, I was not Joshs to fix.

Josh took my surrender as defeat and began to interpret my releasing him as me giving up snd spewing all responsibly onto him. He thought I was done and had given up fighting for our marriage.

I communicated the best I could that that was the farthest thing from my mind and was totally not what was happening. But Josh still feared that I had given up.

I had so much peace in my heart that I no longer had to strive and fight tooth and nail to save our marriage, instead God would come through for both of us.

Looking back now Josh and I have discussed everything in length and we still aren’t quite 100% sure why everything happened the way it did and what the reasoning was for everything and we’re ok with that. But Josh readily admits that his silence and retreating was him trying to manipulate me into being what he wanted me to be and do.
Things had to go his way and if they didn’t- everyone suffered. I was to shut down to even perceive what was going on and fully took on the entire load of our marriage problems.
Looking back now we were both emotionally manipulating each other.

That following week we decided to spend some time apart.

Josh went away for a few nights and I went to my sisters because I was to scared to sleep by myself in town ( I’m such a scaredy cat 😅)

Later that week Josh took a business trip out of town with a member of his family and I stayed home.
We needed time to figure things out and couldn’t afford to have any more hurt or accusation accumulate in the mean time.
So he left for the trip and I stayed behind. We both knew if things didn’t change while he was gone we wouldn’t be living together once he returned.

Through all of this Josh started refusing to touch me, hug me, or engage in any conversation regarding the state of our marriage.
He completely shut down. And we were both devastated.

It was arranged the I would fly down and meet up with Josh just to see if being together again would help the situation. It didn’t. He continued to shut me out, I continued to cry out to God to save our marriage. I don’t want to paint the picture that I was on my holy hill praying and fasting while waiting for God to bring my husband around. That wasn’t the case at all. We both had issues to work on.

He would tell me he’s not sure how we’re going to make it through this, that if I don’t change there’s no future for us. That if I could just see things his way we would be fine.

We went on a walk one evening while we were still out of town and he expressed how hard it was that I was just shutting down and giving up. I was so taken aback that I told him I have no idea what he means. That I haven’t given up on him but that I’ve given him up to The Lord.

I don’t know why that all the sudden made sense to Josh but he instantly broke down and started crying and grabbed me and hugged me.

“ What do you mean?” He asked.

“ I knew that night when you and I prayed to God and I had to surrender you that God was going to do something and something was going to happen to you and I was given strict instructions not to interfere”. I said.

We had talked about that the night that I prayed before, but for some reason it just made sense this time.

We walked back to the place we were staying hand in hand. Josh’s countenance instantly changed and he knew he had to make some phone calls and offer apologies to people who were involved in all of this.

Through all of the separation , desperation and devastation, God continued to take care of us. The weekend when it was the worst, it just so happened that there was a visiting couple in our church that had a tremendous story of redemption in their marriage as well. We sat in our living room as they shared their hearts with us and reminded us that the devil always blows things out of proportion and makes you feel hopeless. They said it’s like the devil puts a magnifying glass in front of you and distorts your vision so you can’t see clearly. Boy ain’t that the truth.

After Josh fully grasped what was happening and apologized, it was like we embarked on something we never experienced. I encountered The Lord through the time of being separated from Josh like I never have before and felt the Holy Spirit with me like a literal invisible person. I found out later that Josh was on a similar spiritual journey and our separation led him to ask himself some tough questions regarding his relationship with God.
God knew in order for our marriage to work we both needed to get alone with Him. Not each other.

Culture ( and the church) tells you if you just read one more marriage book- found that perfect counselor- figured out how to turn the heat up in the bedroom- study your spouse till your blue in the face- figure out that delicate balance of love & respect- THEN you’ll unlock the keys to a happy marriage.

What we’ve come to understand is that this love that we share is rarely about getting to know each other better, but getting to know The One who created us better.

The hard times in our marriage has taught us far more about who God is to us, than who we are to each other.

When you fully understand who God is to you, you begin to change and come alive in a way that you can’t even fully describe with this limited English language. You begin to experience super natural love for each other that fills space and extends grace to each other.

Marriage is rarely how we perceive our spouse, but rather, how we both as individuals, perceive God.